


Twilight and Life and Death as Vines

by bella_swan_deserved_better



Category: Life and Death - Stephenie Meyer, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alice Cullen Bashing, In my blog I call her the Demon Child since she is one so...yeah, Other, Renesmee Cullen Bashing, Vines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-05 05:16:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17912696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bella_swan_deserved_better/pseuds/bella_swan_deserved_better
Summary: Just Twilight and Life and Death characters as vines





	1. Twilight Part 1

**Bella:** *crying against the steering wheel of her truck while listening to music* oh my god! Where did my life go wrong?!

**The Demon Child** : *nervously looks at her* mom can you unlock the door? I’m late for school.

**Bella:** shut up I’m having a moment!


	2. Life and Death Part 1

**Beau and Edyth:** *their foreheads touching as they hold hands while sitting in one of the cafeteria tables*

**Jeremy:** *points at them and looks around* is this allowed? Is this allowed?!

**Edyth:** *turns around angrily* stop


	3. Twilight Part 2

**Bella** : *wearing a baggy hoodie and sweatpants, almost crashes* woah!

**Demon Child** : *small gasp*

**Bella** : *sighs in relief* oh. I almost got into an accident. Wouldn’t want another one of those *turns to look at the demon child*

**Demon Child:** *looks down* are you talking about me?

**Bella:** yeah


	4. Life and Death Part 2

**Edyth:** *as they listen to music and smile at one another* don’t tell your mother

**Beau:** kiss one another

**Edyth:** *aggressively* die for each other!

**Beau:** *falls off his chair looking freaked out*


	5. Twilight Part 3

**Emmett** : vegetable oil is made out of vegetables, coconut oil is made out of coconut, so baby oil is-

**Esme** : *distressed* can’t we just have a nice family dinner?!


	6. Life and Death Part 3

**Mackayla:** what are you going to be for Halloween?

 **Jeremy:** well I was thinking I could be your boyfriend.

 **Mackayla:** awww well then I hope I can be….dead


	7. Twilight part 4

**Jacob at Bella and Ed’s wedding** : I brought you Francincense

**Edward** : thank you

**Irina** : *covering her face with a scarf that came with her dress* and I brought you myrrh

**Edward** : thank you

**Irina** : *uncovering her face* murder!

**Edward** : *gasps* Irina no!


	8. Life and Death Part 4

**Edyth:** *walking into the living room holding a thermometer with paper taped on saying “pregnant”* babe we did it! You’re going to be a father!

**Beau:** *puts down book that he was reading on the couch* babe I’m reading Harry Potter, Prisoner of Azkaban. What do you want?


	9. Twilight Part 5

**Emmett:** *shows a knife in a small plastic container* I bought this knife, but I can’t open the package. *puts it down* I’d use my scissors, but I can’t open it *picks up a package with scissors in them* that’s why I bought the fucking knife!


	10. Life and Death Part 5

***at a sleepover at the Cullens***

**Archie:** *softly whispers* Beau?

**Beau:** *tired* the fuck do you want Archie?

**Archie:** what are you thinking about?

**Beau:** I’m genna fucking murder you Archie


	11. Twilight Part 6

**Emmett** : *on a fake phone while sitting in a small seat and playing with a tea set* what do you mean you aren’t coming to my tea party? Bella I made biscuits!


	12. Life and Death Part 6

**Beau:** I don’t have a dog but um… *Julie in wolf form roaming around the Cullen house* That’s a dog. I don’t know why she’s here….but she’s adorable


	13. Twilight Part 7

**Jessica** : *on the phone* hey what’s up?

**Bella** : *wrapped in a towel and one on her hair* nothing just got out of the shower

**Jessica** : let’s grab dinner later

**Bella** : wish I could but gotta wash my hair

**Jessica:** didn’t you just wash it?

**Bella** : _it'sverygreasybye!_


	14. Life and Death Part 7

**Beau:** *eating cookies with milk and is about to eat a cookie he had just dunked in the milk* *cookie ends up breaking and falls on the milk and proceeds to sink* come back…come back! *whimpers*


	15. Twilight Part 8

**Bella:** everyone in this room was entirely straight *walks into the Cullens living room*

 **Cullens:** *all sprawled out in the living room* *they look up at her in disbelief*

 **Bella:** April Fools *giggles*


	16. Life and Death Part 8

**Ernest:** wearing this sweater, I feel like a dad. Do you guys want to build a deck? We go through the old pigskin around. *walks outside*


	17. Twilight Part 9

**Demon Child:** I love you daddy

**Edward:** I love you too buddy

**Demon Child:** Great I need some money!

**Edward:** *sighs before handing her a credit card*

**Demon Child:** what the heck is this


	18. Life and Death Part 9

**Beau:** everyone in this room was entirely straight *walks into the Cullens living room*

**Cullens:** *all sprawled out in the living room* *they look up at him in disbelief*

**Beau:** April Fools *giggles before running out of the room*


	19. Twilight Part 10

**Emmett:** *holding a microphone while in the background Esme is having difficulty setting up a tent. Edward and Rosalie are fighting in the background* as you can see folks. It’s quite windy out here. Some people are having trouble holding on to their things.

**Esme:** *gets frustrated and tosses the tent aside letting the wind take it and it hits Edward*


	20. Life and Death Part 10

**Beau:** babe we need Space-

**Edyth:** *gasps concerned* oh no

**Beau:** Jam. Space Jame

**Edyth:** *giggles* are you serious

**Beau:** *smiles* yeah


	21. Twilight Part 11

**Edward:** *in the car with Bella with him as they get ready for a 1st date* it’s genna be ok. It’s genne be ok. Just be yourself* turns around to look at Bella and coughs to clear his throat* hi I hope you’re ok with anal

**Bella:** …

**Edward:** *screams* fuck!


	22. Life and Death Part 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reneste is the male equivalent of R*n*sm**

**Reneste:** dad tell us a bedtime story

**Beau:** uh he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious? He was a punk, she did ballet


	23. Twilight Part 12

**Carlisle:** *holding flowers and hands them to Esme* hey babe! happy one year

 **Esme:** *looks at him adorably confused* ….I’m 27


	24. Life and Death Part 12

**Beau:** *running to a place*

**Edyth:** hey wait up

**Beau:** can’t stop lady

**Edyth:** but I’ll kiss you

**Beau:** *gasps and stops before turning around* gross


	25. Twilight Part 13

**Carlisle:** *standing over a dead body* yeah we don’t know what killed him

 **Emmett:** may I make a suggestion? *raises hand*

 **Carlisle:** we are not going to cut him open, Emmett!

 **Emmett:** you guys are boring!


	26. Life and Death Part 13

**Beau:** when I was seven I took my cat to the mall to meet Santa, and it was probably the best day of his life


	27. Twilight Part 14

**Bella:** what are you planning to be for Halloween?

**Mike:** well I was thinking I could be your boyfriend

**Bella:** awww….well then I hope I can be….dead


	28. Life and Death Part 14

**Beau:** what are you drawing?

**Reneste:** a picture for Santa *points to the Santa in picture* these are his nipples and his belly button


	29. Twilight Part 15

**Emmett:** bro I had a dream we fucked

**Jasper:** gay! I wouldn’t fuck you

**Emmett:** *slightly hurt* you wouldn’t?

**Jasper:** I mean unless you want to?


	30. Life and Death Part 15

**Edyth:** *walking beside Beau as they head to school* while you were gone you missed three exams

**Beau:** really?

**Edyth:** and twenty homework assignments

**Beau:** mmmok I’m going to be right back! *walks away* *inner monologue* ‘and then I flew myself into the sun’


	31. Twilight Part 16

**Esme:** *walks into Emmett’s room* why is your report card in the ceiling?

**Emmett:** well you told me to bring my grades up

**Esme:** …I did say that didn’t I? Well let me see ya grades


	32. Life and Death Part 16

**Julie:** *in wolf form laying on a pile of blankets hanging at the Cullen’s house*

 **Beau:** *laughs*

 **Julie:** *laughs raising her head before her laughter dies down and she lays her head on the floor*


	33. Twilight Part 17

**Edward:** this relationship is going really well Steve

 **Snail:** *inside it’s shell* …

 **Edward:** may I hold your hand?

 **Snail:** …

 **Edward:** *places hand on top of shell and accidentally crushes him* no! How am I supposed to find another gay snail?!


	34. Life and Death Part 17

**Archie:** *walking to Royal’s room and turns on the light* get up sleepyhead!

 **Royal:** *getting out of under the since he wants to relax* woah-

 **Beau:** *sleepily sitting up with his curly hair sticking up* fuck man…

 **Archie:** *gasps and runs out of the room laughing*


End file.
